like he once said…

May 15, 2007

the synergy of dreams

lacks nothing


we are poised

on the brink of

sudden abysses

plunging into

red depths, emerging

from many births

dreaming through lifetimes

eating of roses

dark wood cactuses

we emerge

like angels from

centuries of sleep

full and unskinned

from the veil

of this earth



May 10, 2007

i drink too much now

i cry all too much now

on sidewalks and in bars

with and without friends

i do all the things that negate


in the manner that i am nought

forsaken, yet still beguiled

by the mystery of mysteries –

between the armour of drink

and the word –

your truths

your lies

it is over

leave me

to reclaim the anomaly of you

as i listen

to the woe of the angels

whom i know

will greet you

ungkapan laut di langit hitam
bintang dilihat dalam lautan
sangkutnya jala berukir hati
bagaikan cinta ku harap disisi

jaringan bibir bagaikan sesikat
nyiur dihanyut seimbas ombak
pohon ibu dilepas bayu
bagaikan hati menggisir batu

disinilah cinta menyerang aku
disinilah aku diserang kamu

how we prospered under the light

shadows filling in the spaces

spilling forth in numbers, guiding us

to that place that love once lived

between sheets

between breaths

between skins

that sometimes

met in secret

then –

and now of our

no longer complete lives

words that are stuck on walls

children who bear wings

and yet who chain us –

how love changes

how it stops

and waves its goodbye

as it leaves you


clutching your heart

in one hand

and a knife

in the other

in the darkest of dark nights

clutching your bible, my deodorant

and your reading glasses

you swayed

with eyes at me – with

your one hand

you said

in your nightgown

of blue, dark blue and white flowers –

who are you?

i think i have lost my way

(in memory of jane chauly 1940-2007)

it was tall

that tree that i so loved

in the garden of my youth

that garden, your garden

where i found the nests of birds

as a child

climbing up and up

peering over with eager

eyes and hands

those helpless babies

with open mouths

i fed worms – found in

the soil next to

the swing

you brought from the house

in taiping –

it was white then

but now silver as is the colour

of your hair, as it is now

grown back in silvery

sprigs, pine-like

delicate, like glass

fibres, framing your face

exposing bone, vein, sinew

as the cancer eats you

you have become a child again

like the birds i once fed

i feed you now, spoonful by

watery spoonful

like you once fed me

and like the birds

i know you will take flight

please –

fly now, with your arms


like those birds

that once lived

in your garden.

(in memory of jane chauly 1940-2007)

in the silence of ghosts

stunned in the ardour of sleep

in sarong and white singlet

he climbed the roof long limbed

his perturbed sisters followed

stared as he stood tall, hair

flailing, they thought to ask

what are you doing surinder?

with hands caressing the wind

he answers in a still breath

as a cloud choking the selfish moonlight

he says –

i am hanging spoons